Weaving Your Mesh: 7 Types of People You Need (and Those You Don’t): BODIES & BOTS #15

My week was weird, crazy, and eclectic. Multiple business events. A scary health check-up. (I’m thankfully fine!) Social activities.

A lot of “networking” (a word that gives me real ick). I ran into people I hadn’t seen in years. Did the follow-up thing with real and virtual business cards.

Then I crashed hard.

I posted on Facebook about feeling hollow. Flesh-and-blood humans called and texted. Strangers sent unsolicited mood advice, implying I did something wrong. Such is the mesh.

Why mesh?

It’s a tech term. Wi-Fi mesh systems create seamless, linked coverage. No dead zones.

But mesh is also one of the oldest materials on earth. Woven cloth. Dixie mesh in grade school. Needlepoint canvas. Lace. A blank canvas can become something breathtaking… or filled with ugly knots that ruin the whole piece.

Your human/tech mesh works the same way. The right threads add years to your life. The wrong ones quietly subtract them.

Seven categories. Spring is a good time to look at all of them and remove the “threads” that aren’t serving you well.

1. Friends & Family

One recent study found that 57% of all Americans say they are lonely. And the number of them over 45 who feel that way is growing dramatically. And here’s the stat nobody is talking about: men are now lonelier than women. 42% vs. 37%.

Loneliness has always been with us. But the numbers are getting ugly.

You can choose your friends. You can’t choose your family. Both matter more than LinkedIn ever will. I’ve lost people to sudden and slow death. Others are fighting serious health issues. I spent the final four years of my mother’s life truly present with her, after decades of distance and some legendary fights. Worth every complicated minute.

Be present and stay close to those you love (even if you don’t like them sometimes).

Some friends are great for fun and entertainment (see #5, below). We all need that wingperson for concerts, movies, a new restaurant, or even travel.  Don’t expect too much from them. Just laugh, smile, and keep things light and bright. But if you find yourself going brain-dead or there’s too much drama, take a break. And remember, not every friend is a great travel companion. I’ve learned that the hard way!

Spring cleaning moves:

• Name three people you’ve been meaning to call. Not text. Call. This week.
• Invite someone you’d like to get to know better to a fun activity or place.
• Look at your current friend circle and make tough choices (see below)

🧪 Take the B3 (Bitchy, Bad Mood, or Bestie) Quiz

How healthy is your women’s inner circle?

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2. Clients

I landed my first lucrative clients within five years of starting my business. I secured major media exposure for them and took one client from $750K to $3M virtually overnight. She came out of nowhere. (Not really…I met her at a networking event and didn’t think she was “the real deal.” Go figure. I learned a valuable lesson. See Randos, below.)

The Pareto Principle has held in business relationships since economist Vilfredo Pareto identified the 80/20 pattern in 1896. Over a century later, it still holds.

Roughly 20% of your clients generate 80% of your revenue. The bottom 20% generate 80% of your stress.

Good clients treat you as a partner. They pay on time, give clear direction, and make you better. They refer other good clients.

Bad clients rewrite everything, disappear when you need answers, and make you dread your inbox and caller ID. 

Walking away from a toxic client feels scary. It almost always opens a door.

3. Business Connections

In 1973, sociologist Mark Granovetter proved that your best breaks rarely come from your closest contacts. They come from weak ties. The one-time meeting. The random connection. The person you almost skipped.

Once you’ve “cleaned up your brand,” think about the types of colleagues you want to surround yourself with.

If you think big, small thinkers may drag you down. People who don’t follow up slow your roll and take time away from other opportunities. 

Giant events are not the enemy. Knowing how to work them is the skill. Ask more than you answer. Follow up within 48 hours, or don’t bother.

The goal: a small number of real conversations per event. Not 40 cards.

📬 Want the full playbook for working a room without losing your soul?

Subscribe to Bodies & Bots on Substack. 

4. AI Agents

Women represent only 22% of AI professionals globally, per the World Economic Forum. The technology reshaping all of our lives is being built largely without us.

That’s not new. In 1843, Ada Lovelace wrote the first computer algorithm. A woman. Then the industry spent the next 180 years largely forgetting that.

I named my AI agent Beulah. Like the maid in a Mae West film. She’s my editor, research partner, occasional therapist, aggregator, and planner. She works for me. Not the other way around.

The people thriving in this next chapter treat AI as a collaborator, not a threat. Give the “bot” a seat at the table. Correct her when she’s wrong. Never forget that the fire is yours.

🤖 How AI is changing relationship building for good and for evil:

Bodies & Bots on Substack. 

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5. Entertainers

The average American consumes more than 11 hours of media per day, according to Nielsen. Not a typo. In 1945, the average household had a radio and a newspaper.

The podcasters you follow, the writers in your feed, the creators who show up every morning. The conspiracy theorists and ragers.

They are inside your head. Shaping how you see the world. Whether you notice or not.

Some are making you smarter and braver. Some are feeding your anxiety. You chose them once. You can un-choose them.

Humans in real life can also be wildly or mildly entertaining. Some people in your friend mesh may be the perfect companions for unplugging and experiencing activities in the real world. Don’t underestimate their value!

Quick audit:

• Do the people in your feed make you better or just more agitated? Cut one source this week that drains more than it fuels. See what grows in the space.
• Spend at least 50% of your day in the “analog world” rather than the digital one. Leave your phone and other devices on silent when you sleep. You don’t need toxic anxiety-provoking stuff in your head when you’re trying to get your seven hours of REM.

6. Lovers

The first generation of women with real economic power, big careers, and fully built lives is now in its seventh decade. These women lead things. They know who they are.

And many of them are effectively undateable by men their own age.

Not because something is wrong with us. Because many men chose safe over challenging.

Pew Research shows men over 65 are far more likely to be coupled than women the same age. The gap is not demographic. It is cultural. Women of this generation became who they were told to become: ambitious, independent, whole. Many men of the same generation wanted the easy way. They dated younger. They retreated. They vanished from the dating pool for reasons unrelated to mortality.

This is not bitterness. This is sociology. 

The detox is not about cutting anyone loose. It is about cutting loose the story that this situation reflects your worth. Stop shrinking the conversation to protect someone else’s ego. Know that partnership in this chapter looks different. Different is not lesser.

🎧MANDATORY LISTEN for men (& women) Therapy Jeff is one of my regular “sherpas” for dating advice!

7. Randos

LinkedIn crossed one billion members in 2023. A significant share of the messages flooding your inbox is written by no one. AI-generated scripts, sent at scale, with your name dropped in.

Randos split into two camps. The fakes, who flood your inbox with bots. And the flesh-and-blood ones who show up out of nowhere and sometimes change everything.

The rule is simple. Give real humans a chance. Give bots nothing.

That said, some rando humans can turn out to be amazing people and prospects and ultimately fit into categories 1-6. Keep an open mind but also open eyes and ears.

The Mesh You Want

A good mesh is not a big mesh. It is a living thing.

Some threads hold for decades. Some snap without warning. Some you cut on purpose because weaving them costs more than it gives.

A blank canvas has potential in every single hole. The knots from the wrong connections make the whole piece harder to finish.

Spring is a good time to look at what you’re building. And decide which threads deserve to stay in the work.

📖 Relationships from childhood to now shape the nerve it takes to build a life. I’m writing about exactly that in my memoir YOUR NERVE. It’s on Substack.

Now, stop reading/scrolling and build your human mesh.

Or take up stitching… the University of Helsinki says it can add up to 8 years to your life!

Written with my AI collaborator (Beulah).