The 100 Years Club Installment #144: Who’s at YOUR 2025 Cafeteria Table?

This is one of my fave topics during “back-to-school” season!

I’ve written about it every year, and last year’s post was so comprehensive that I decided to update it, based on 12 months of experiences involving a few “bad seats” and “toxic lunches.” On the bright side, I’ve discovered some fantastic new communities and connections.

In short, my philosophy remains constant:

No Seats For Mean Girls, Complainers, and Bullies!

As we did throughout grade school, high school, and continuing education, we often picked individuals and groups to hang out with. Some just wound up in our classes, or friends introduced us.

Our ages (and hopefully maturity level) have changed since then, but the basic principles apply:

1. Welcome the “new kids.” Cliques abound, even as adults.
2. Make a good first impression. 
3. Invite the solo people to your table and introduce strangers to each other
4. Share your lunch goodies — literally and metaphorically. That means freely offering knowledge and introductions.
5. Don’t exclude people who seem different from you. Be sensitive to neurodiverse communication styles and behaviors.
6. If you disagree on a topic, be kind and respectful. Don’t force political or religious beliefs on others. Simply avoid those conversations and find common topics to stick to. (No name-calling or food fights!)
7. Building relationships takes time. Don’t draw conclusions based on one sentence or a specific behavior.
8. Resist the urge to gossip about others. Have honest, open, and kind conversations with people who did something problematic.
9. Don’t imbibe too much if you’re at an event where booze is involved; you don’t want to build a reputation as “the sloppy drunk kid.”
10. Experiment with different activities (see below) until you find the right “table.” My friend Elisa organizes monthly brunches, where everyone is welcome. I joined a Bunco group too, and not only did I meet some fantastic women and put on fun costumes and make new dishes, but I also walked away with lots of cash when I won Left-Right-Center (twice)!

I attend at least a few business events every week and plan weekend activities. The energy, smarts, humor, and soul of the people we hang out with can have a massive impact on our outlook and even help shape the future of our work and lives.

Some people welcome you with open minds and hearts when you’re the new kid.

Being “the new girl at school” when I moved to Minneapolis and then to Arizona made me more sensitive to being an outlier. Although I’m gradually assimilating, I still find myself in situations with less-than-welcoming people, and I have just learned to bounce earlier and not stress about it. I just move on.

How Do You Find Your “Table?”

My 2024/25 strategy entailed sitting at “new tables” weekly and then deciding which ones fit me best. I no longer feel guilty when I exit events early or go once and don’t return. Some possibilities to explore if you’re new to an area or simply want to expand your social circle are:

• Time Left (which you can do in any city — even globally!)
• MeetUp groups
• Activity-specific groups at your gym or other venues (crafting, cooking, dancing, music, etc.)
• Volunteer organizations, especially those supporting a cause or category that’s your passion
• Social/work groups (like this one, which has both digital and in-person events)
• Informal gatherings of like-minded people
• Political or cause-related volunteer groups
• Travel and cultural learning groups
• “Real” school. Don’t worry about being the oldest person in the class. So many in-person and online course options exist today. The ones that allow you to chat with other students are a great way to build your circle
• Dating apps and live events (some have a “friend” section, and you may end up “friend-zoning” suitors, too)
• Here’s a great way to assess the compatibility of potential lovers

Beware Dracula Debs (energy vampires), Negative Nellies, and Hard-sell Hanks wherever you go.

An easy and polite way to exit a conversation is to simply say, “I’d love to connect with as many people as possible here, so please excuse me. I’m going to walk around a bit.”

If you’re at a gathering and see people standing or sitting alone, introduce yourself and connect them with other interesting people you may have met at the event.

The pandemic and digital media have dampened some people’s social skills. See below.

If you find yourself in a slump, try to snap out of it and step back into the “cafeteria of life!” (You don’t have to eat the green beans if you don’t like them…that’s one advantage of aging.)

AI has come a long way! Here’s what it came up with when I prompted it to create a cafeteria table

Facts, stats, and things to think about…

	How to rock small talk
	Making friends as an adult
	Bad behavior: Are we becoming more anti-social? Ruder?
	Cafeteria food trends