The 100 Years Club Installment #121: The Dirty Secrets of “Bad” Bosses

Frankly, I have never really loved the term “boss.”

It conjures up the word “bossy,” which is not a great look in work or life.

Trust me, I’ve been the victim of bully bosses and bully boyfriends. And I’ve had times in my life when I’ve been a “flawed” leader.

“Infuriating bosses aren’t that hard to find, studies show. Seventy-one percent of workers say they’ve had a toxic boss at some point, according to an October 2023 survey of more than 1,200 Americans from The Harris Poll and global marketing firm Stagwell. Thirty-one percent said they’re currently working with one, saying the most prevalent behaviors are bosses who “set unreasonable expectations” and don’t “give credit to team members when appropriate.” – Source

Even if you work for yourself, you ultimately need to answer to someone (investors, clients, co-workers), and how you motivate and lead is critical in any interaction.

Does Fear & Loathing Result in Better Business?

The “command and control” leadership style was in vogue when I started my career. It seems to be making a comeback in the public sector, where name-calling, threats, and deportation are the rage.

During the 1980s, the more fear and competitiveness you instilled in your employees, the “better” your results were. However, this translated to anxiety, resentment, and even subversive team behaviors.

Then, the pendulum swung toward “servant leadership,” where people who ran and owned companies were supposed to follow the lead of the people who worked for them. Since when did I become a servant? (I’d rather be a French maid!)

As I’ve discovered over the years, one leadership size does NOT fit all 

But kindness (as we discussed in this week’s podcast) is timeless. What does that mean?

1. Get to know the people in your inner circle (employees, subcontractors, vendors, etc.) and learn what motivates them as individuals. This is an excellent overview of both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation styles. I wish someone had taught me all this stuff before I left a path of “scorched earth” during my corporate days.
2. Deliver assignments and feedback in a way that inspires creativity, curiosity, and success — not tears, gossip, and sleepless nights.
3. Encourage feedback and reassure team members that they don’t need to fear “retribution” for honest and helpful input.
4. When you have to make tough decisions, be kind but direct. Sometimes you need to make difficult business and financial moves for business efficiency and success. Expect people to be hurt and let them work through their emotions.

Boss-up Your Game!

It’s not really a game. Interactions with your team can have a substantial human impact.

Above all:

• Continuously seek feedback from the people around you and take it to heart rather than getting defensive. (See above.)
• Seek out professional coaching if you need help refining your own leadership style.
• Surround yourself with competent, curious, kind, supportive, and honest people. (Loyalty will come with time, based on how you build your relationship and do the three things outlined above.)
• Ask yourself daily, “Are the people who work with me complaining about me to their partner/friend/family? Am I contributing to stress or unhappiness? If so, why? Is that what I really want?”

Leadership, like parenthood, is a huge responsibility. Most people will never really love a boss, but as long as they like and respect you, you’re probably doing OK.

I’ll take “tough but fair” any day!